What kind of day did I have? Trick question. Happy? Sad at times. Lonely and yet somehow so fulfilled!?! So… really just indescribable. :FACEPALM: Sometimes all you can do is just try to make it into the next day. Survive until sundown. I’m in total shock at the recent turn of events. Personal drama multiplied tenfold. What makes that so confusing is that I also had a wonderful day. My son and I spent so much quality time together. While playing a game with me, he laughed like I’ve never heard him laugh, he smiled up into my eyes and laughed freely. The pure joy held in that moment made nothing else matter. Worries? Uh uh, just fell away. Stress? Instantly forgotten. Anger? Frustration? Nope.
Lately I have had bad days, and I live with this sadness, shame and sometimes total confusion. I ask myself, “who I am” OR “what I’m doing!?!” But in that blessed moment of laughter, I felt like I knew. I’m a father. It’s clear that to my son I am just about all there is in LIFE. How can I help but be humbled?! It doesn’t puff me out with pride like “I’m the best ever!” Nooo, it humbles me, it demonstrates clearly my life is not an island. I have to be the best I can be, because to one boy my best is the best there is. If I can’t show him patience then patience doesn’t exist in his world. If I can’t provide for him, if I can’t bring hope then what hope is there? *Phew* What an incredibly sobering thought.
Point of clarification: I realize the typical use for a “face-palm” is to show that something is so incredibly dumb that it is indescribable. To be clear to anyone reading this, the only “dumb” one is me. It’s cool, the fingers can point in my direction. I know I need a change. This is my goal: to turn over a new leaf, to sincerely work to be more patient, steer clear of outbursts of anger & act like the adult that I know I am. Just eliminate these “dumb” excuses I make. I commit to making a difference in my child’s life. I want to show this little one that with love nothing is impossible. Oh, trust me, I know I won’t be perfect. I still won’t get it right EVERY time. The point is, the effort is so worth it. Join me in learning from our “facepalm” moments, so that each new day can be a better day.
Goodnight. Peace, love and iced tea!
Currently listening to: My Goddess – The Exies http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/exies/mygoddess.html